What is the biggest turn on in your marriage?
For many young couples reading this, I will warn you that it will change over time. It will ebb and flow like a slow current on a lazy river.
Young couples may answer the question with what they like to do or have done to them in the bedroom. These are fine answers. God created us to be sexual beings with desires and passion. Some of my favorite quotes come from the Bible. Check out the poetry of these verses from Song of Songs.
Song of Songs 1:2-3 Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth - for your love is more delightful than wine. Pleasing is the fragrance of your perfumes; your name is like perfume poured out. No wonder the maidens love you!
Song of Songs 1:16 How handsome you are, my lover1 Oh, how charming! And our bed is verdant.
A couple in what I refer to as “middle marriage” may be turned on by non sexual things their partner may do.
These are examples from former clients, used with permission.
“When I saw my husband tear up as our baby girl took her first steps, I knew he was more than the average dad. You see she was an invitro baby and when I was pregnant with her I was in a bad car accident. It was a miracle that I carried her to term and we both ended up healthy and happy.”
“Our son was diagnosed at the age of four as being on the spectrum. It amazed me how quickly my wife did the research on the best schools for him to attend and never missed a beat with new ways we can address his sensory issues and anxiety. The prodigious love she shows our little guy lets me know he will thrive."
“My husband has always been an island. Some might even say selfish. It is his way or the highway most times. Lately he has been asking my opinion on things and really listening. It has been wonderful to see him mature. I am not sure if he is just evolving as we all do with time or if something I did made him more open to change, but whatever it is, I like it.”
At the time of this writing, my husband and I are closer to the forty year anniversary than the thirty year. We should be set in our ways and snapping at each other like George Costanza’s parents in an episode of Seinfeld. Truth be told, we occasionally give Estelle and Frank a run for their money, but for the most part we get along well.
So what turns me on now?
When he calls me from work in the middle of the day to tell me he will be home late because he is shooting his bow and arrow after work and just wants me to know where he is.
When he asks me if there is anything in particular that I would like when it is his turn to go grocery shopping.
When we go kayaking together and he slows down so I can keep up.
When he is ready for church before I am on Sunday morning.
Anything that shows he is putting God and his wife before himself is a win.
Take a moment and think of three things that your partner does that turn you on.
Have you reciprocated lately?
Let him/her know you are appreciative of these things and watch your day unfold in a beautiful way.
"The business of life is the acquisition of memories. In the end that's all there is." -
Carson of Downton Abbey